A couple of weeks ago, I was mindlessly scrolling through my Facebook feed when a friend’s post caught my eye (I will call him, Peter - not his real name, but easier than constantly writing “my friend”).

Peter’s post read:

At first, I just silently giggled, as I know his pain. Generally, starting is the hardest part of any project. I know him well, and I know that he has a tendency to procrastinate, and sometimes has difficulties focusing (who doesn’t, really?). I posted a reply telling him to just start, and then reflected a bit and thought, maybe this is him asking for help, so I texted and asked him if he needed me to kick him in the ass. A few minutes later, I called him and asked, “How can I help?”

He replied that he didn’t know, so I started asking him questions about the assignment. “Tell me about it; what do you need to do.”

He explained that he needed to write a business story, and so together we brainstormed a bit, and then we made a plan. It was about 6:45 pm, so we decided that he would brainstorm ideas for another 15 minutes and then text me at 7:00 pm with the topic. From there, we would choose the next milestone.

Shortly after 7:00 pm, my phone dinged, and my text read, “Topic chosen.” And I asked him when would he next check in, and what would the milestone be? We settled on 8:00-8:30 pm and a completed first draft.

At 8:00 pm, he messaged that he was at 500 words, and could we have another check in at 9:00 pm? He was now setting the timeline and milestones. Awesome!

We connected a couple more times throughout the night and then at 10:07 pm, the text arrived saying, “Okay. I’m submitting it.”

We continued chatting a bit, and he thanked me for helping him through it, and I replied that I was always available; all he needed to do was ask.

The conversation continued about how hard it is to ask for help. I totally get it. I don’t like asking either, but I try to reframe it a different way. While we don’t want to impose, let’s look at it through a different lens.

Imagine a good friend is really struggling. You offer to help them; you really want to do that, but they don’t want to impose. It’s hard for you to watch them struggle, but if they won’t let you, there isn’t much you can do to help. If they do finally ask, you are excited to help. It makes you feel like you are supporting them, and you are making a difference; because, truly, you are.  

Now reframe your thinking about asking for help as you are giving the other person a gift. They want to help you, and you are giving them the opportunity to do that which makes them feel valued and helpful. Who doesn’t love that feeling?

I love Dr. Jody Carrington’s message about connection:

We can support each other, but it requires a connection. Sometimes your role to play is to be the support, and sometimes your role is to ask for it.

Next Steps:

• Sign Up for Leadership Toolbox

• Reach out and ask someone for help

• Share this blog with someone who might need it