Goodbye, Farewell 2020

I love the mountains. We visited them in January 2020 (the only trip we took this year) and it seemed fitting to use this photo. As a family, we watched “The Sound of Music” last night (Christmas tradition) and so the title seemed appropriate.

As I scrolled social media the other day, I saw a meme that said

“Happy Shortest Day of the Longest Year of your Life”

I laughed and kept scrolling. As the day passed, however, I reflected more and more about this past year. There has been some seriously crappy times (I tried massaging that into nicer language, but best to just be blunt I suppose), however I wondered, have there been moments of light too?

It’s easy for me to get caught in the darkness. It’s been a freaking brutal 10 months since we first heard hint of a novel Coronavirus. I don’t think anyone thought that ten months later, we would still be in a global pandemic. It has been a year of loss for so many: jobs, freedoms, dreams, loved ones. This year, I have mourned people gone too early, and supported friends through unspeakable tragedies. I faced times when I felt stuck in the darkness. I walked through disappointment after disappointment. I struggled with restrictions and shed many tears.

There were days, weeks (and let’s face it, probably months) when I thought the end of the tunnel would never reveal itself. I reflect back to March, and I remember thinking that there is no way the pandemic would last until the summer (and yet here we are still in it). It’s easy to let the dark times completely cover the light though. I admit extreme difficulty in seeing the light when I felt the sun had gone down.

I’ve spent the past several weeks working on a daily gratitude practice, and maybe that’s helped change my outlook slightly. Possibly, it’s that there is a vaccine, and hopefully an end in sight. Or maybe I’ve just matured emotionally (not as likely), but as I thought more about that meme, I started to remember some good things from this year.

Friends have an outdoor volleyball court in their backyard, and my older two children played volleyball with a small group of friends once or twice a week for months. I could visit with my friends, and we could all laugh at the kids who were having so much fun.  It was a piece of normal in a very abnormal spring.

Our local soccer association created a COVID-safe community outdoor soccer program; one of the only ones offered in the province. The program was nothing like what we’ve done in the past, but it was safe, structured and fun. For them, being able to play soccer made a dramatic difference. For me, being able to watch was a gift.

I completely gutted my craft room. I redesigned, painted and bought new storage and furniture. It was a crazy project, but I love my new room and am excited to spend time in there creating.

We did a ton of projects around the house. We had the interior painted, new eavestrophing installed and we did a bunch of work on our yard including completely redoing our side yard, and putting in a slate walkway which I love.

I met a new friend who has become an important part of my life. It was a bit of a chance meeting, but she supported me greatly through this year and gives me lots to think about.

I decided to pivot my leadership business in the wake of delaying grad school, and I am really excited about a new offering (more about that later).

In the end, do I think that 2020 has been a bit of a shitshow? Yup. For sure. Am I thankful for lessons learned because of COVID? Not so much. Will I one day, be able to look back and think about this year without the raging emotions and tears? I hope so. Can I still celebrate the good things that happened this year? I’m sure trying. I remember earlier in the spring, someone asking if there were good things that were happening because we were locked down. I told them no. Not for me. I’m not sure time will change that answer, and I know that I truly struggle with finding the good in the bad. When I think back to the good, though, I don’t think of it as because of the bad. Maybe some of it was, but I choose to just celebrate the good parts on their own. I am not seeking the lesson from COVID; that may come in time (or maybe not), but I have memories of this year that make me smile and for that I will celebrate and be thankful.