While we are climbing out of the pandemic and starting to return to many of the things we might term “normal,” the effects of it are still very much with us. I have struggled with motivation, amongst other things, over the past 16 months.
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I have lots of skills, however, maintaining perspective is not one which hits my top ten list at the best of times; in a pandemic, I often feel like I have absolutely no perspective.
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It was just over a month ago that I wrote about a search for gratitude and optimism (Searching for Optimism and Gratitude). I (re)started a gratitude practice, although I committed do finding gratitude every single day, regardless of circumstances for the whole month of December. I’ve done the practice in the past, however, when I had a really hard day(s), I tended to drop it. The irony of that, though, is those were the days, I truly needed it.
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As I scrolled social media the other day, I saw a meme that said
“Happy Shortest Day of the Longest Year of your Life”
I laughed and kept scrolling. As the day passed, however, I reflected more and more about this past year.
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I just got back from doing errands and I feel exhausted. While I was out, I got an email from one of my kids’ schools saying there was a positive COVID-19 case and we would be notified if our child was considered a close contact and needed to isolate.
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It’s been 6 months since this pandemic became “real” to me. We were preparing to take two teams to soccer provincials on the weekend and we had practices Wednesday night. People were kind of talking about it and we knew what was happening in China and Italy, but it seemed like a world away from us.
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I was shopping with a friend the other day and on the front door of the store, they had listed their “rules” for shopping in the store (sanitize on the way in, wear a mask, don’t enter if you feel ill). These rules are all reasonable and honestly, are pretty similar regardless of where you go. At the bottom of the list, however, was a phrase that got my back up: “Welcome to our New Normal.”
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Pivoting is a skill; one which is getting tons of practice currently. It seems like we are constantly pivoting. In the middle of March, we did an about face as suddenly the world seemed to shut down. We lived through that, and in Alberta, we’ve been slowly reopening. Since then, it seems like things are constantly changing.
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I was all set to write a blog post about motivation and then I watched a webinar this week with Dr. Jody Carrington and she said a quote which she says in most of her talks, and it just hit me.
”We’re all just walking each other home.” Ram Dass
In the middle of a pandemic, I reflect on my goals and expectations, which I am finding incredibly difficult.
I looked back at some of the goals that I set for 2020 that I will not accomplish.
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This week has been tough. Heck, the past couple of weeks have been tough. Who am I kidding? The past 6 weeks have been tough.
I’m grieving. On so many levels, and for so many things. It seems to come at me from all sides and all angles, which is so different, and I’m unaccustomed to this barrage.
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It’s been a tough morning. And frankly, yesterday felt rough too. I sit under a cloud of sadness, longing and uncertainty and I feel myself falling into a funk. I knew I needed to write my rough draft of this post today so I would have time to review and edit it this week, but I did not feel like writing, nor did I know what to even write.
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I want to start by acknowledging that this blog post is one of the hardest I’ve written. My normal process is to write a rough draft one week and then edit and post it the following week. I sat down to edit what I wrote last week, and while the message is relevant (building trust), I believe that building connection is more pertinent to this crazy situation we all find ourselves in.
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