Goals

A friend called and at the end of a long, awesome conversation, we were talking about goals. One of goals is to have a sense of style and to know how to put outfits together, to apply makeup and to do my hair. I have always struggled with feeling cool and stylish, and over the years, I have just accepted that this particular skill will not hold space on my top ten list. I look at teens today and they appear so much more put together than my generation ever was (I grew up in the generation of neon, legwarmers and crimped hair although I never thought any of those were cool either).

My friend thanked me for sharing this particular goal (it came up in a conversation a few weeks ago). She mentioned my goal inspired her to wear something different today. She received several compliments, including one from her teenage son which was the true test that she rocked the look.

As we continued chatting, she mentioned that we don’t talk about goals that often (not her and me specifically as we actually talk about goals quite a bit; but our conversations are not the norm per say). As a society, we do not tend to share our goals with each other even though an accountability partner can definitely increase the odds of achieving our commitments and goals. I wonder if the lack of sharing is a result of embarrassment or fear we won’t achieve our goals. My friend mentioned her take that as women, we often feel like we shouldn’t want things just for ourselves.

I reflected on her comment quite a bit which resulted in a moment of breakthrough clarity. We tend to put our family ahead of ourselves consistently and for the most part, that works and it is great. I love my husband and kids and want to be the best wife and mother I can be. But we need to remember that if we don’t look after ourselves too, then we will not have anything left to give our families. Self-care is not selfish (it’s like taking a Pause in Leadership). We need to grow and our goals need to reflect the requirement for self improvement and that goals about ourselves are not selfish or frivolous.

We need to give ourselves permission to want things for ourselves; solely for ourselves. It’s not greedy. It is about improvement and that tomorrow looks and feels better than today.    

I remember the struggle as I worked on my ten 10 year goals. I came up with some big ones that I knew would require a ton of work but seemed to be appropriate 10 year goals. Others seemed almost too small or focused on me, but not in a way that would help me achieve great things. They were just things I had always wanted (like having a sense of style) or things I wanted to improve like the goal I have around loving my handwriting and being able to do fancy letters. At first glance, it seems almost silly to have as a 10 year goal, but I kept it because I have always hated my writing and I think about how proud I would be to hand letter a scrapbook page, or to handwrite a card and love how it looked. And that is an important goal to have too.

So, along with your big, hairy, audacious goals, make sure to have a couple ones just for you. You are worth it!