It's All Perspective

This was the closest photo I could find to drawing the trees smaller towards the background. Right now, though, it feels like I’m stuck on this path. The end is somewhere on the other side of those trees, but I can’t see it right now.

I have lots of skills, however, maintaining perspective is not one which hits my top ten list at the best of times; in a pandemic, I often feel like I have absolutely no perspective. I was texting with a friend the other day and mentioned an event in my history which had caused me great pain. She wrote back very sympathetic, and I replied that it was was it was at that point. Having occurred many, many years ago, I’ve since dealt with the pain.

I got to thinking this morning, though, about perspective. When I think about perspective, I’m brought back to sixth grade art class and drawing trees smaller in the background. I sucked at art, and I hate drawing (as a side note, I view myself as not creative as a result, but that’s a whole different blog post). Since I hated art class, (and was thrilled that once I hit junior high I never needed to do another one), perspective is already damaged goods to me. And when I run a parallel to maintaining perspective, I kind of suck at that aspect too.

And now, we’re in the middle of a pandemic, and any (small sliver of) perspective I may have had seems shot to shreds. I was thinking this morning about how I managed to get to that point with regards to the difficult event I mentioned earlier, and I questioned whether I’d ever get there regarding COVID. I know that I often exist in a (self-constructed) binary world. I don’t seem to do well in the middle of the continuum many times. If I truly dig into that, I know it’s not actually true, but when I feel like I’m in crisis or struggle, it comes out for sure.

I reflected about the pandemic one morning a couple of months ago. Winter was coming and the days were getting shorter and I felt like the darkness was circling me, both literally and figuratively. Case numbers were increasing dramatically, and I felt on edge. I wondered if it would ever end, or if this “new normal” that everyone references really will be the way we live from now on. I have to work hard to not get caught up in all of my thoughts though.

Logically, I know this will end. I don’t know when, and I don’t know the path to over, but I know eventually we will figure it out.

I started thinking about how to gain perspective. I think often, it’s distance, and maybe perspective is more impossible when you are in the middle of the struggle. It’s tough to see the horizon when you are surrounded by trees. And I think it’s OK to recognize you are in the forest, and might feel lost for a bit until you can find a clearing. That’s how I feel right now. I don’t have the ability to see long term, because I can’t focus on anything down the road. It’s all blurry. We are in crisis, and perspective, as with well, everything, is challenging in a crisis.

It’s definitely a struggle for me as I’m a planner. I was at a goals session and the facilitator asked the group if anyone had long term goals. I replied that I’ve lived my life in a series of 5 year plans. Right now, though, I don’t feel like I can plan, which of course affects my ability to put everything into perspective and plot today within a bigger context.

So, how do we emerge out the other side of the woods? As with everything challenging, with the support of those around us. They hold the compass often times, and can point us in the direction we need to go; even when we can’t see it. Sometimes, they might just need to walk the various paths with us, helping us to carry our pack. And then hopefully, we can look back and the picture will come into focus.