Take the Risk; Reach Out
I was driving to work a few weeks ago and the sun was rising. I could see it shine through the trees and it made me feel hopeful and thankful.
About a year ago, I met someone who would become a good friend. At the time, we had a different relationship, but I took a risk one day and the return has been amazing to say the least.
I knew her in a professional capacity, but something seemed off one day. There were just a couple of small hints, but they nagged at me. I thought about reaching out to ask if everything was OK, but that seemed awkward in our situation. I reflected, considered, and frankly, spent way too much time debating it in my head. I worried that she would think I was weird, or inappropriate, and I worried that I would risk the professional relationship which was important. Ultimately, though, I knew I needed to live into my integrity and the consequences would be what they were. I know I’ve referenced this Brené Brown quote before:
“Integrity is choosing courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is fun, fast or easy. And you choose to practise your values, rather than simply professing them.”
High on my values list is caring about others. Living into my integrity meant I needed to walk into the potential awkwardness, rather than ignoring my gut, which would have definitely been easier and faster. So, I wrote the email, but didn’t hit send. Then I deleted it, rewrote it, and then analyzed it repeatedly. Finally, I just hit send. Ultimately, I just asked if she was OK as she didn’t seem herself, and was there anything I could do to help (and I did add a line about I hoped this wasn’t really awkward).
To my great pleasure, she replied quickly (so I didn’t need to hang out very long with my self-doubt and regret). She, thankfully, put my mind at ease as to the appropriateness of it, and we began emailing back and forth. In the past year, she has become a good friend and support too.
As I reflect back to the original dilemma about whether to reach out and the more I think about it, the more I recognize that I was being so ridiculous. And my mind goes to another quote:
“No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted.”
I think that sometimes we have a tendency to overanalyze; especially when it comes to relationships, and we need to check our intent and use it as a guide. If we are acting from a place of humility, kindness and generosity, then we ought to just do it. We can not control how the other person will react, and frankly, their behaviour is beyond our control. We need to do what helps us live into our integrity and our values. There was a chance she could have written back that I was inappropriate to email her, in which case I would have apologized and then worked on not regretting it. But, overall, I think that if we can show someone kindness, or support, we ought to do that. It does not need to be a huge gesture, but rather, a simple “I’m thinking of you,” or “How are you doing? You don’t seem yourself” is sometimes all that is needed. When we are going through something difficult, or even just having a hard day, knowing someone noticed is often enough to help.
And you never know, it might be the beginning of a wonderful friendship.