It's Been 6 Months
I took this photo the other day while I was on a walk with a friend. Walking with friends is one of the things that has helped me get through the past 6 months.
It’s been 6 months since this pandemic became “real” to me. We were preparing to take two teams to soccer provincials on the weekend and we had practices Wednesday night. People were kind of talking about it and we knew what was happening in China and Italy, but it seemed like a world away from us. Then Thursday, soccer provincials were canceled and major league sports started canceling games/suspending seasons. Saturday, I listened to our Chief Medical Officer of Health tell education partners that if she closed schools, it would be for the rest of the year. Then Sunday night, she made the announcement that schools were closed to in person learning. It was maybe 14 hours before we’d be next sending our kids off to school. I look at that night as the beginning of the pandemic for me. I know it certainly isn’t the real date, even for Alberta, however our memories tend to cling to an event to help us remember dates and times, and that’s mine, for better or for worse.
Monday will mark 6 months since the night the schools closed and shit became “real” for me. The beginning was tough; it was so so tough. Well, maybe not the first couple of weeks (honeymoon phase, anyone?), but April and May were brutal, and I felt like my mind was playing games on me constantly. We didn’t know enough at that point to feel like I was making good decisions. I second guessed myself constantly. We didn’t go anywhere; we didn’t do anything. I was as alone as I’ve ever felt; even surrounded (constantly) by my family. I’m in a better place today; 6 months out. So, how did I get here? What has helped me cope? I thought I would share some of what has gotten me through the last six months.
Coaching
I started with a coach the beginning of April. It wasn’t because of the pandemic, but the timing worked out. She is amazing, and has pushed me on some things and opened my eyes to others. I look forward to our weekly calls as a highlight of my week. Coaching wasn’t something I sought out at all; rather, it kind of fell into my lap, and I’m so grateful. I didn’t think I needed coaching, as overall, I was pretty happy with my life and was making positive progress, but she has given me coping mechanisms I didn’t realize I needed, and often was an amazing sounding board. I’d highly recommend coaching in general, and Candice in particular.
The Work
As part of coaching, Candice introduced me to “The Work” by Byron Katie and I even ordered the book. While, possibly, a little “kookie” for me at times, the meat of it is great. It’s a series of 4 questions and some turnarounds that help you reframe your thoughts. I have used this process many times over the past several months and it has helped me work through and release many of the thoughts that showed up in my brain (generally the kid that don’t help me, but rather turn around and around and won’t leave).
Podcasts
I’ve been listening to tons of podcasts. Two of my favorites are: Unlocking Us by Brene Brown and Unf*ck Your Brain by Kara Loewentheil. Brene’s initial podast on FFTs (Fucking First Times) (March 19, 2020) was an amazing listen as she talked about how to understand your fears and emotions when you are going through or doing something for the first time. These fears and emotions are incredibly real and we need to acknowledge them. I also loved her podcasts on Comparative Suffering (March 26, 2020) and Grief and Finding Meaning (March 30, 2020). Really, though, she’s Brene Brown and they are all great. Kara Loewentheil is a Harvard Law School graduate and master coach who focuses on thought work. Most of her podcasts are about 20 minutes so I can generally get in 1 or 2 on a walk. She did a whole 11 episode series on Your Brain in a Pandemic which was fabulous. Other episodes I really enjoyed were her ones on Perfectionism (it’s not what you think it is and it blew my mind) (Jul 5, 2018: Antidotes to Perfectionism and July 18, 2019 Perfectionist Fantasies + Tomorrow Thinking), the idea of The Slight Edge (I’m currently reading the book but keep hearing the concepts come up – Sept 26, 2019 – The Infinite 1%) and May 28, 2020: Embrace the Suck.
Video Chats
In the early part of the lockdown, I did a ton of video chats with friends and groups of friends. It was important to me to see people’s faces and that made me feel still connected. I haven’t done these lately, as I am able to see people in real life a bit more, and I’m suffering from “Zoom fatigue.” I’m tired of seeing people through my computer and I find it more draining than in the beginning. But for the first couple of months, it was essential to my need to feel connected.
Time and Knowledge
We know so much more about COVID-19 than we did six months ago, and knowledge gives me the ability to make better decisions. In the beginning, I second-guessed so many of my decisions. The information was changing daily it seemed, and I was glued to the daily updates of our Chief Medical Officer of Health. I felt like I needed to hear what she said; to learn more about this virus, and how we were handling it. In the beginning, there was so much fear as we looked outward to what was happening around the world in areas a few weeks ahead of us (Italy in particular). In addition to not knowing exactly how the virus was transmitted, and what was safe or unsafe, we worried about whether we would be able to meet the need in the medical system. Over time, I became more comfortable going to the store and I stopped watching every update. I understand that there is still so much we don’t know about this virus, but we know a lot more than six months ago and for me knowledge is power, and I feel like I have some of my power back.
Summer
Reflecting back, the cold weather in April did not help my mental state. I love summer anyway (and conversely hate winter), and the ability to be outside more; to see the sun shine and to feel the warmth (June and July didn’t help with all the rain). I was able to be outside, and to go for walks with friends. My husband took the kids for bike rides which also gave me a bit of alone time too. Summer always makes me happy, and this year, even more so.
Social Media
I have severely limited my time on social media in the past several months. I really only hang out on Twitter and Facebook anyway, and instead of scrolling through Twitter daily (or multiple times a day), I skim it once or twice a week. As soon as I start to see negative posts, I close it and walk away. I follow lots of people on Twitter as I enjoy reading different perspectives, but right now, that is not contributing positively to my ability to cope, so I’ve put tweeting on the backburner. My Facebook is full of friends and I don’t follow news outlets or politicians for the most part, so I don’t see a ton of political posts or news updates which works. I have, however, used the “snooze for 30 days” option liberally the past six months. I know that some people have strong views, and that’s OK, but when I’m feeling fragile, I don’t want to read them. I don’t want to get into debates. I need my feed to be full of stuff that brings a smile to my face instead, so I have cultivated that.
In some ways, six months ago seems like a lifetime. So much has changed. When I first heard of COVID and we looked ahead, I remember thinking – there is no way this can last six months; we will be devastated. In some ways, we absolutely are, but in others, we’ve grown and learned new ways of adapting that many of us didn’t ever view possible. I hate to say that there is no way this can last another six months as I’ve learned there is no point in predicting with this virus. All I can do is to look back and pick out the coping mechanisms that helped me get through these past months and see what I can harness to move forward through the upcoming months ahead.