Self Care: Put Your Oxygen Mask on First

I love this photo I took of a turtle sunning itself on the Silver River in Florida. I love the heat and the idea of just soaking in the sun is definitely self-care for me.

I believe in “signs” in the way that your mind will focus on what you need and see things. Last night, I saw a tweet by Jody Carrington that talked about slowing down and breathing. It hit me and I reflected on it.

It’s been a very busy week and I’ve had two commitments each evening all week and I’m feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. When I feel like this, my brain becomes fuzzy, and I often make bad decisions which can start a bad cycle. I am tired, so I don’t spend time making nutritious food, I eat more junk, and I am busy, so I don’t exercise. Then I feel worse, and I don’t have the motivation to eat well or exercise. I then become more reclusive and don’t reach out to friends as much, often spending too much time in bed watching on my iPad.

For me, an essential way to either break that cycle, or better yet, to thwart its beginning, is to take care of myself. About five years ago, just before Christmas, I was going too hard; getting up at 5:00 am to work, staying up really late, and generally feeling overwhelmed. I did not heed my body’s signals and so it fought back hard, and I got incredibly sick. I was not the kind of person who sat still very well, and I thrived on being busy and productive. Eight days in bed changed my perspective. I spent Christmas Eve in the hospital as they pumped me back full of fluids and tried to sort out what was making me so sick. Eventually, a diagnosis of acute colitis caused by c-diff, antibiotics and hope that I would feel better in a couple of days accompanied me as I headed home. A few days later found me again in the hospital as I reacted to the antibiotics which were making me even sicker. We did eventually sort it out, and I got better, but I do not remember much about those eight days other than sleeping and feeling really weak. Since then, however, I have learned to listen to my body and to take care of myself.

We hear a lot about self-care, and some people define it as bubble baths and massages, which is great if that helps them reset their stress levels. For me, self care means I am willing to put my needs before others; not all the time, but sometimes, and consciously. I try to maintain a realistic bedtime (for a couple of years, I was amazing at promising myself seven hours of sleep every night; now I aim for most nights). I drink lots of water (I aim for 70 oz of water every day) and to eat well (my biggest struggle most days). I also set aside time to do the things that I enjoy like stamping or scrapbooking, going out with friends, date night with my husband. I have started to reframe my commitments so that I shed those which didn’t bring me joy. I know that we can’t get rid of everything, but how many things do you do out of a sense of obligation? I resigned from a couple of committees, and I said no to several other requests. If I am going to take time away from my family, I make sure it is something that brings me joy, or serves my “Why.”

I think the most important thing, though, is the realization that I am important too. That looking after myself isn’t selfish; it’s self-preservation, and I am entitled to an amazing life too. I want to serve my family and my community, but it’s important that I serve myself too. It’s why the airlines tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first. If you pass out, you are useless to those in your care.

I also think taking time for yourself is one of our biggest hurdles. I remember when I had my first baby, the most given advice was to sleep when the baby sleeps. I didn’t listen, though, and when she slept, I cleaned the house or did other tasks. Now, I would love to go back and take those naps when she did. I think many of us eventually realize the importance of taking care of ourselves, although often it’s when we are older. Instead, let’s start now. Make a list of what makes you smile, or what fills your heart and then book time to do it. Take a bubble bath, do something creative, read a book, reach out to a friend or take a nap. Everything else will still be there afterwards, but you will feel better about tackling it.