Who's Making That Decision?The Hidden Cost of Being Everyone's Answer
Someone on your team needs to make a decision, but instead of making the call, they bring it to you.
You decide. You smile, feel efficient and helpful. After all, that's why you are there, right?
Then the next day it happens again. You start to notice it actually happens every day. Multiple times a day from the various people on your team.
By the end of the week, you are buried with other people's work and decisions.
There's an old Harvard Business Review article, “Who's Got the Monkey?” by William Oncken Jr. and Donald Wass, that describes this situation. The monkeys represent decisions or problems that someone else should own, and every time you answer or decide instead of sending it back, that monkey climbs onto your back. One at a time, you don't notice. A team's worth of them, and the weight impacts you.
The Cost of Holding On
There's a cost to you, and to your organization. Both can be significant.
The cost to you: you can't move into the next role if you're still doing the job below it. If you're indispensable at your current level, you're unpromotable to the next one. Every monkey you're carrying is time you don't have for the work you should be doing and it signals (even if unconscientiously) that all decisions flow through you.
The cost to the organization: decisions slow down because everything routes through one person which also increases risk. If you're out sick or on vacation or just unavailable, nothing moves. Your team doesn't think for themselves, because they've learned — correctly — that the monkey always finds its way back to you eventually. Why work through a hard call when you know you can just hand it off?
Now it's Friday afternoon and you have 3 people lined up outside of your door. You've been in back to back meetings all day and now it's 4:00 and the likelihood that decisions are being made and next steps taken today are pretty small. There is a huge bottleneck and it's you.
A leader's job is to prepare other people to grow into their next role and to ensure they have the skills necessary to be successful. Making decisions for them steals this opportunity from them.
It's Not Just About Handing Off Authority
Handing off decisions is different from handing off tasks, projects or a piece of work. Often, you've already handed off the authority, but they aren't using it. They are creating a sense of dependence on you.
Sometimes your team member doesn't have the authority to decide which is a gap you need to close.
But often, they already have it, but just don't want it in that moment.
They're scared of being wrong.
They've made a call before that didn't land well, and they're gun-shy.
They don't want to be the bad guy. (They know exactly what needs to happen. They just don't want to be the one to say it.)
Regardless, the monkey ends up on your back.
Three Questions Before You Take the Monkey Back
Next time someone tries to hand you a decision, consider these three quick questions before you accept it.
Risk. How much is actually riding on this? Not “does it feel uncomfortable” — how much real damage could come from a wrong call here. A lot of decisions that get escalated to you aren't nearly as high-stakes as they feel to the person holding them.
Authority. Do they already have the authority to make this call? If yes, the question isn't whether they can decide — it's why they're not (and that's now a coaching opportunity).
Development. Is this a chance for them to build a skill they need? Taking the decision away might feel like support, but if it's a skill they need to grow into their role, you're hindering them, not helping them.
Ask yourself these three questions (even just in your head) and the answer might be obvious in which case they can keep their monkey.
A Real Life Scenario
Imagine this scenario:
A client asks for a change to a project. It's outside the agreed scope and will take extra hours, which the client has not offered to pay more for.
The project lead comes to their manager to make the decision about what to do. They should understand the project parameters and that they need to have a conversation with the client, and likely get a change order signed off with additional billing included. Instead of having that conversation, they go see their manager to “run the scenario by them.”
The manager's first instinct might have been to take it on and jump on a call with the client to have the awkward conversation and smooth over the situation.
Instead, the manager asks one question: “What would you do if I wasn't available? What would your first instinct be?”
The project lead answers quickly — they'd tell the client it's outside of the project scope, explain what a change order would look like, and let the client decide if they want to move forward with it.
That answer aligns with what needs to be done. So the manager can confirm and the employee can retain ownership of what to do next.
They likely didn't bring the decision to their manager because they felt they were missing the authority or the answer. They brought it because they didn't want to be the one telling the client no and having an awkward conversation.
Instead of taking over and playing rescuer, the manager empowers the employee to retain ownership of the situation and the decision. They can support the project lead as they work through it and maybe even role play the call, but when the employee leaves, the monkey leaves with them.
Where This Leaves You
Next time a decision lands on your desk, before you jump in and take it on, ask yourself: is this actually mine to decide? Or am I just the person it's easiest to hand it to?
Run it through risk, authority, and development. More often than you'd think, the answer is that the monkey was never yours to begin with.
Take some time and critically reflect on what's currently on your back. How many monkeys are actually yours to carry?
