Be a Leader!

I wasn’t sure what photo to use for this post, but I just liked this one, so I went with it. It was taken from the Brooklyn Bridge and I just liked it!

I’m often asked how to become a leader. It’s a huge question without a straight-forward, linear, follow these steps answer. But there are key skills and concepts which I believe contribute to being an effective leader.

At the core, is a belief that we can all be leaders, regardless of any position we hold. I believe that leaders live their values, translating into living with integrity, and that at the core, they seek to build relationships so as to improve the world they live in. We can be leaders in our families, our companies, our organizations, or our communities without being in charge.

Living into our values is a core component of leadership. We need to show up in a consistent way; people notice when we act differently in different situations or groups. Do you know your core values? (I just wrote about values in this recent blog post). Have you identified the behaviours which demonstrate your core values? One of my core values is Prioritize Family. I have then further clarified the behaviours that tell me that I am living in a way that I demonstrate family is a priority such as:

• I eat supper with my family as much as possible

• I seek part-time flexible work.

• I align my volunteer commitments around what is important to my family

• I speak to them with kindness and love

There are obviously more, but I wanted to just share a few to help clarify what I mean. I first came across the idea of operationalizing values on Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead Hub and I was instantly intrigued, so I’ve been working on determining the behaviours which align with my values, so that I know that I am leaning into them, and not just professing them.

Brené Brown has a fantastic quote about integrity which I love and reference often:

“Integrity is choosing courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. And you choose to practice your values rather than simply professing them.”

— Brene Brown

I often hear people talk about integrity, but it was hard to define. I think this definition nails it though. If I live into my integrity, then I practice my values. When my behaviour does not align with them, then I often get that pit feeling in my stomach or something doesn’t sit right in my heart or my head. Now I understand why.

A second huge aspect of leadership is about building relationships. I have a strong belief in the importance of relationships, and I hold that it is through relationships that we truly change the world. Relationships need to be built on trust, vulnerability, and reciprocity. You need to be willing to listen more than you speak; acknowledge the person’s emotions and support them. Each of those actions builds trust. They also need to do that for you, or else it is one-sided which erodes trust.

Leadership is about being a good human being. To be an effective leader, people need to respect you. John Maxwell defines 5 reasons people will follow a leader (John does a much better job of describing them but here is a brief overview):

1. Position -they are somehow in charge of you (boss, coach, parent)

2. Permission – they chose to follow you (to have them choose to follow you, you need to build a relationship with them)

3. Production – they follow you because of your track record; because you get things done

4. People Development – they follow you because you are invested in helping them grow

5. Pinnacle – they follow you because of your reputation. They share your beliefs, you inspire them.

Maxwell writes that each level builds on the ones before it. If we are seeking to become better leaders, inspiration, trust, respect, integrity, and vulnerability will get us there. Think about why people follow you? At which level are you leading? How can you work towards the next level? Think about the leaders that you admire and reflect on which level you would place them at. What can you learn from how they lead? How can you apply those learnings to your own development?

Leadership is often learned through example and modeling. Reflect on those who have led you. Do you admire them? Is so, what learnings can you take from their style. For those leaders whom you do not like, what cautionary messages can you learn from their style? Learning what not to do is valuable too. Seek out other leaders and learn what you can from them as well.

Lastly, just like any skill, leadership is developed through practice and learning. Read books, listen to podcasts, or watch Ted Talks. (If you don’t know where to start, check out my resource page for some of my favorites). Seek opportunities to practice your leadership skills and ask for feedback from others and truly reflect on what they say. Try keeping a journal to capture your thoughts and ideas. But mostly, just start!