Do You Know Your Values?
Defining and operationalizing your values can help you see through the fog, just as I can see this upright from the Golden Gate Bridge through the haze..
For years, I’ve known about the importance of values. I had a loose idea of mine swirling around in my head, but I hadn’t clearly defined them. A couple of years ago, I spent time narrowing them down, and digging in so I could articulate them. Then last year, at the Dare to Lead course (read more in this blog post), we went through a process where we started with a long list of possible values and narrowed them down to ten, then five, then two (although I broke the rule and went with three): family, integrity, service. I then “verbed” them up so they would become actions, rather than nouns and I ended up with:
Prioritize Family
Live with Integrity
Serve Others
A couple of years ago, a company I work with was working on clarifying their values so that everyone clearly understood what they meant (and equally important, what they didn’t mean). During that time, I discovered Brené Brown’s concept of operationalizing your values (see Dare to Lead hub) and I loved it!
In Dare to Lead, Brené writes,
“The reason we roll our eyes when people start talking about values is that everyone talks a big values game but very few people actually practice one. It can be infuriating, and it’s not just individuals who fall short of the talk. In our experience, only about 10 percent of organizations have operationalized their values into teachable and observable behaviors that are used to train their employees and hold people accountable. Ten percent. (And yes, I’ve taken to the occasional “izing” of words.)
If you’re not going to take the time to translate values from ideals to behaviors—if you’re not going to teach people the skills they need to show up in a way that’s aligned with those values and then create a culture in which you hold one another accountable for staying aligned with the values—it’s better not to profess any values at all. They become a joke. A cat poster. Total BS.” (p.190)
I loved the idea of translating values from ideals to behaviours and we did that for the organization’s values.
As I worked through defining mine, I continued the process to create the behaviours which would define each of my values, and also wrote a short preamble overview.
Where is where I landed:
Prioritize Family
I hold family at the core of my values. I make choices wherever possible that honours time with my family in order to build strong relationships.
I eat dinner together with my family as often as possible
I work part time
I watch games, concerts and events the kids are in whenever possible
I spend time one on one with Glenn
I build common interests with each kid
I balance family time with other commitments I have
I do not overcommit
I set clear boundaries with myself and with others
Serve Others
I serve others as my way of living my "Why" and improving our community. The world is a better place when we work together and contribute to a cause greater than ourselves.
I help others when I can
I volunteer
I teach others
I leave my community a better place because of my contributions
I ask what they need and meet that need if possible, rather than assuming I know what they need
I decline when I can not bring value to a situation or organization
I seek to build relationships and community with people, organizations and communities with which I am involved
Live with Integrity
Living into my values means others know what to expect from me, and helps me make the right decisions, rather than the easy or comfortable ones.
I mean what I say and I say what I mean
I apologize when I am wrong
I admit when I am wrong
I live true to who I am and do not hide
I speak up
I fight injustice
I live into my values
I chose to do what is right over what is fun, fast, or comfortable
I stay aligned with my values when making tough decisions
I have hard conversations when I need to, rather than avoiding them
I act consistently, regardless of the situation I am in
I do what I say I am going to do; I honour my commitments or am clear if I can not
I ask for help when I need it; I seek support when necessary
I am willing to say no and maintain boundaries
I lead by example
By describing the behaviours that define my values, I have a clear path for how to make decisions and how to act, which is really important. For example, my value Serve Others could mean that I overextend myself and risk my other value Prioritize Family, so I needed to ensure I had some boundaries around how I would show up and serve, and these behaviours help me evaluate when it is appropriate to say yes or to say no. They also serve to remind me of the small every day decisions and actions which help me lean into my values.
Brené Brown also says “Clear is Kind” and by being crystal clear with my values and what they mean, I am being kind to myself. I can more clearly articulate why I am saying no (if I feel like I want to explain), but really, I am able to better understand why I am leaning away from a situation or why I want to say no. Often, we ignore that gut feeling, but now, not only can I lean into it, but I can understand what it’s saying to me, and why.
I’ve been living with these values, and the behaviours, for a little while now and the clarity they bring has reduced my stress. While it can still be hard to say no (for my people pleasers out there), understanding why that decision aligns with your values (and being able to articulate it if desired) makes it much easier.
Do you know your values? If you do, awesome job!! Take some time to operationalize them. If you don’t have know them, then start there and then define them. As an individual, or as an organization, it is a powerful and essential process. Ensuring everyone is aligned in which behaviour is accepted and tolerated is critical in building a strong culture. If you need help, you can check out Brené’s Dare to Lead Hub, or reach out to me and we can work through it together.
