Building Trust
Kittens don’t totally correlate with trust, but they’re cute and they look like they trust each other. And on a hard day, who doesn’t love a kitten.
I have read many leadership books, but I think one of my favorites is still The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni. I have read many of his books and they’re all great, but this one distills down characteristics of great teams. His books are written in two parts: the first part is a business fable and the second part is the corresponding theory. They’re generally fairly short and succinct; I can generally read one in a couple of hours (so there is no excuse).
Lencioni argues that the first dysfunction of a team is a lack of trust and so to overcome that dysfunction, a great leader must build that trust. The natural question becomes, “How?” He contends that it is built through relationships; an assertion with which I concur.
It is interesting to me as I have been reading books lately, that many of them are talking about the importance of connection and relationships. It’s like red car syndrome (when you own a red car, you start seeing red cars everywhere). Possibly, it’s because I’m paying attention, but probably, it’s because research is emerging which demonstrates the importance of connection.
I’ve been listening to and following Jody Carrington for the past couple of years. Her message that we can face hard things through connection really speaks to me. I’ve been reading Brene Brown recently too, and her message parallels Carrington’s.
“The energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship”
“Connection is why we are here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.”
Building trust allows us to have difficult conversations which is at the core of leadership. When I know you care about me, then I am more open to hearing what you tell me. I can be vulnerable and let you in. I remember when I returned to teaching after having my daughter. She was 17 months, and I’d been back at work for about a month when I found out my dayhome was closing rather abruptly. I was so stressed as it had taken months to sort out childcare in the first place, and now I had just a week to find something new. I went into my principal’s office and blurted it all out (I’m sure with some tears attached because it was hard enough being back at work teaching junior high without sorting out where my toddler was going to go). She looked at me and without missing a beat said, “Well, then you will bring her here until you sort it out.” She went on to tell me that having me in my classroom, even with my daughter (whom she said the kids would love anyway) was better than not having me there. I felt incredibly relieved and from then on, I felt like I truly wanted to work harder for her.
Recently, I was having a conversation with a principal I know, and he mentioned that sometimes teachers are scared to call parents, and we started to talk more about that. I explained that building relationship with parents would help that. When we have built a good relationship, I am able to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, and come to the table with the intention of understanding the other person which is less likely if I don’t care about the person sitting across from me.
Personally, I try to build relationships wherever I am. I didn’t always think about why; I just did it. As I’ve learned more, and matured, I have realized the importance of connection and building the sense of community. We need each other to hold each other up, to support each other, and sometimes, to speak the hard truth to each other. You need a strong connection with people, not only so they can support you when you are up, but more importantly, so they can hold you when you fall and they can challenge you when you veer off path.
Think about the people around you. Do you have their back? Do you feel like you have theirs? What can you do to build on your relationships and strengthen connection? If you have a team who reports to you, then building trust within that team, and between individuals and yourself is paramount, so what can you do tomorrow to start? If you are part of a team (and we all are in different ways), then how can you strengthen your relationships and build trust? What is something you can do today?
Read about The Five Dysfunctions of a Team on my Resources page