From Conflict to Collaboration: Harnessing the Power of DISC
No one likes conflict, or do they?
While many people are conflict adverse, some people actually do enjoy it. I’ve heard people tell me:
I believe an argument is a collaborative process.
I live for conflict.
I think we can only get to the best end through conflict.
For those who shy away from conflict, those statements are tough.
Understanding how people approach conflict, however, can help diffuse the angst. The DISC model (a tool to predict behaviour in different situations based on individual styles) can help. Understanding someone’s style helps predict how they will show up in a situation.
Conflict and the 4 Styles
Dominance (D styles)
D styles are assertive and are often described as aggressive. They are direct and results driven. They focus more on achieving their goals and are less worried about interpersonal relationships. They view conflict as natural and critical to achieving their goals. They view confrontation as natural and a way to challenge the status quo and make necessary changes.
Influence (I styles)
I styles are people-focused, particularly other people’s emotions. They want to maintain positive interpersonal relationships, and they worry about how people feel during and after conflict. Since they value positive relationships, they sometimes avoid conflict which they view as disruptive to those relationships. During conflict, their focus is to resolve it in a way that maintains the positive relationship and environment.
Steadiness (S styles)
S styles seek stability and can be stuck in the status quo. They want harmony and consistency and struggle with interpersonal conflict; they may avoid conflict to maintain peace. They can feel anxious during conflict and may feel like they need to be a peace maker, or that they are stuck between two opposing viewpoints. They wish to solve conflict in a way that will restore calm.
Conscientiousness (C styles)
C styles focus on details, analysis, and accuracy. They can struggle when confronted with situation that disrupt their structured environments. While they may understand that conflict can lead to improvements, they want to maintain the focus on the details and problem solving. They do not wish to be involved in interpersonal disputes.
Remember the Platinum Rule:
Many people grew up learning the Golden Rule (treat others as you wish to be treated), but sometimes the Platinum Rule is more appropriate (treat others as they wish to be treated). Meeting people where they are at, and communicating in “their language” is often more effective.
Understanding the DISC model, helps you recognize the various styles, so you can adapt to their style.
Adapting to the Other Styles:
A DISC assessment report will give you tangible advice about what to do and what not to do with each of the styles. In terms of conflict, specifically, you can follow this advice.
Dominance
Be direct and focus on results (rather than how people feel or details)
Skip the ambiguous language and just say it
Show confidence and be assertive
Be prepared to defend your position
Actively listen and allow them to express their thoughts
Understand that they are direct and may interrupt you
Recognize their need for control and allow them to lead the discussion
Recognize their expertise
Influence
Focus on the people involved and how they feel
Validate their emotions
Maintain a positive and optimistic tone
Use active listening skills to understand their point of view
Demonstrate compassion and empathy
Emphasize shared goals and what the parties have in common
Be willing to compromise
Emphasize that the relationship can still be strong after the conflict
Allow them to have a part in the decision; seek input and suggestions for possible solutions
Unite with them so you are on the same side
Steadiness
Allow them time to process their emotions and thoughts; don’t push for a quick decision or resolution
Avoid confronting them when they are busy or stressed
Find a private place to have the conversation; avoid public places for these discussions
Use a soft, reassuring tone; be empathetic
Avoid aggressive or confrontational language
Do not interrupt them
Actively listen
Reassure them that their feelings are valid
Emphasize your shared goal of maintaining a respectful and harmonious relationship
Focus on how resolving the conflict can preserve stability
Follow up after a decision to ensure they feel comfortable with it
Keep promises and maintain a stable environment
Focus on maintaining trust
Conscientiousness
Use logic and ensure your argument is factually correct
Provide clear evidence, data and documentation
Give them time to process and do not pressure them to make a quick decision
Allow them to gather information, and to ensure the accuracy and validity of your data
Acknowledge their concerns about risks or potential pitfalls
Commit to minimizing mistakes
Reassure them of our commitment to quality and correctness
Follow established procedures and protocols
Follow up in writing
Share notes and summaries of conversations and decisions in writing
Encourage them to ask questions whenever they want
Be prepared to share additional information or explanations (do not show frustration with this)
Thank them for their attention to detail
A Case Study
I was working with a Board who was experiencing high levels of conflict. We did a DISC session (and assessments) and reviewed their team profile.
In Canada, about 8-9% of the population are D styles, however three of the eight board members were D styles. The rest of the board and executive director were fairly evenly divided across the other three styles. After the DISC session, the board recognized:
The President (who is an I style) wasn’t purposely wasting time when she did activities to help the team understand each other (the D styles would roll their eyes)
The non D styles understood that when the D styles interrupted them, it wasn’t because the Ds thought they were dumb, but because they had a thought and couldn’t wait to express it
The D and I styles became more patient with the C styles and their questions about everything
The President understood that some of the S and C styles needed more time to process, and would need to be invited into the conversation and to share their thoughts
At the end of the year, each person on the board indicated that the DISC session was one of the most important things they did (and they now do it each year).
Next Steps
DISC is one tool and a strategy to understand yourself and others. There are many different tools, however DISC can be powerful. Rarely are we just one style; generally, we are a mixture of two or three, but we will have a dominant style. When you read through these descriptions, can you see yourself in any of them? If so, great, pick the advice that works for you and see if you can implement it with just one other person.
Want to learn more? Check out these resources:
· More DISC resources on my website
· Free DISC course
· DISC Overview blog post
· DISC offer specifically for non-profit boards