The Small Things Matter
Geese are great at teamwork. There is a story about how they work together (it’s too long for this post). And while they don’t build relationship and trust through conversations, they do do it through their actions.
Have you ever been on a great team? One where you had each others’ backs and you got each other. You may have rocked a project and probably had a great time doing it?
Why was it so fun? What made it so productive?
It was probably because the group had built great relationships.
“Slow down and make building relationships as important as building projects. ”
We tend not to think that much about relationships and their impact on business, organizations and teams, but they are truly critical. If there are any doubts, think back to a dysfunctional team and examine the root cause – it was probably that the relationships weren’t strong.
If you look at Patrick Lencioni’s 5 Dysfunctions of a Team model, the root of a cohesive team is actually a strong base layer of trust. Trust is also the basis of relationships.
“Remember teamwork begins by building trust. And the only way to do that is to overcome our need for invulnerability. ”
So, trust, vulnerability, relationships, success. But how do we build trust and relationships? Often, we think it’s grand gestures, but really, it’s small things over time.
Trust is also built at the receiver’s end. Just because something might build trust for me, does not mean that it will be meaningful for others. Like DISC, we learn to adapt to the other person, rather than expecting them to adapt to us.
You can start by paying attention. If someone tells you something about their life, listen, make notes, and ask them about it later. For example, I was talking to my friend, and I told her that we were celebrating my parents’ 50th anniversary that weekend. When I saw her the next week, she asked me how the party went. It meant a lot to me that she remembered and cared enough to ask me about it.
When I teach leadership, I always tell people how meaningful this follow up can be. I often hear about how they can’t remember things people tell them, or they forget to follow up. For some people, this is a valid struggle! Try keeping a notepad, use the Notes app on your phone or even send yourself an email and then create a follow up (write it on a calendar, create a task or flag the email). If something isn’t natural, then it doesn’t mean you can’t do it; but rather, that you need to work a bit harder to create a system to support you. Just like with DISC, we can learn to behave in ways that are not our natural style.
People need to know we care about them. We don’t all show that in the same way, and that’s OK; the important part is just that we do it. I like to make and send cards, so I often do that. Other people don’t function that way, so maybe they call someone, or send a text or email. Think about a time when someone reached out to you in this way and how it made you feel.
“People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ”
Think about the small acts you can do to show people you care. That caring is what helps build relationships. If you aren’t sure what is meaningful to another person, ask.
We also need to spend time getting to know each other. This used to be easier when we met in person; we would show up a few minutes before the meeting and have casual conversation, but in this increasingly virtual world, we log on, and often jump right into it. Try building in time at the beginning of a meeting either for unstructured conversation, or you can try being more deliberate and asking a question. Even when I was leading in person meetings, I would often start with a question like:
What is a great TV show you are watching (or book you are reading)?
What is your favorite ice cream flavour?
What is a really cool place you’ve visited?
These are easy questions to answer and shouldn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable, but they are a way that I can get to know people. As people are answering, I often make notes so I can follow up later. If someone suggests a show that I then watch, I can thank them for the (hopefully) great recommendation. If you meet regularly with a group, take turns choosing the question.
It might seem like a waste of time to carve out a chunk for these types of activities, but if you are deliberate, then the return on your investment will be great. If you can build trust and relationships, you will in turn be more productive and experience less distracting conflict. Your team will likely be more fun too.
We often underestimate the power and impact of small gestures and actions. Those small things build over time, though, and generate incredible results.
Want to know more about Patrick Lencioni? Check out my Resources Page and filter by author (at the bottom).
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